There are two ways to find a child to adopt in China. The old school traditional way is to apply with an agency and wait for that agency to send you the file of a child that matches your profile. We did this, and we were matched almost immediately with a child that did not match our profile. The agency knew it was not a perfect match but asked if we'd like to look anyway. We did, but this child had special needs that we were not prepared to handle. We had to say no.
The second way you can find a child is to search the Internet. China hands out children's files to US agencies just like one would deal a deck of cards. The agencies then get to keep the files for a certain amount of time and try their best to match each child with a family. Often this is done privately, like the first child's file that our agency sent us. Sometimes, an agency has a hard time placing a child. The kid will have too many special needs or, perhaps, is a little too old. In these cases, many agencies will put that child's photo on their website, along with some basic info about the kid. Then, anyone who finds the picture online can email the agency and inquire about the child. Knowing this fact, made me feel better about saying no to that first girl's file because she never appeared on our agencies website after that, meaning someone must have scooped her up after us.
While we waited for the agency to send us another file, I scoured the Internet hoping our new daughter's face would pop out at me. Of course, this is a heartbreaking daily activity because you come across so many little faces that you wish you could adopt, even if they don't match your profile.
In April, after four months of waiting, I checked the list of waiting children on our own agencies site and saw a few new girls had been added. I started looking through them. One cannot always be sold on the first photo (they often look like terrified mugshots) so you must click through and see what can be found on the other side. One of the little girls that was listed that day was named "Qin." She had the biggest eyes and pouty lips and looked like she did not know why her picture was being taken that day. Also, to be honest, she looked like a boy.
I clicked on her profile picture and was led to two of the most adorable photos. These were action shots and she was obviously having fun. She looked happy and full of life. I read her profile and what little medical info that was made public ("malformed upper and lower limbs"), and called Rob, who was in Chicago with the traveling Conan at the time. "I think I found our child," I told him. He instantly looked her up and was equally smitten too.
I immediately contacted our agency but soon entered a new kind of waiting game. You see, someone else had found her first and was currently looking at her file. In fact, a few more some else's had found her and there was actually a waiting list to look at her file. So, I agreed to be added to the waiting list, and then I um...waited. It's weird to hope that other families will not want a child. I found it hard, not wanting to get too hopeful, and telling myself that it's a good thing if she finds a family no matter what.
After a few days, I emailed the agency. I was told that I was in luck because I was now next on the waiting list. She would contact me as soon as she heard an answer from the family that had her file. It was during this call that I also asked why this little girl's file wasn't directly sent to us because she matched our profile perfectly. It was explained to me that she matched other families as well who had been waiting longer than us. Her file had been privately shared with a few, and they all kept turning her down. The agency chose to put her on the Internet after that to get her matched quickly. It made sense so I waited. Every few days, I would politely email, hoping I wasn't forgotten, and, every time, I was told that the family still hadn't given an answer.
Finally, TWO WEEKS! later, I received a phone call. "You'll never believe it. The family passed." Qin's file was immediately emailed to me. I quickly opened it, expecting to find the key to why so many families passed on her, maybe she had some disease they left out of the online profile. But, there were no secrets to be found. She did have "malformed upper and lower limbs." Due to what appeared to be amniotic banding in utero, she was missing her right foot and about half her fingers. Otherwise, she was completely healthy. She could walk (with some assistance), talk, eat, play. "That's it," I wondered. "All these people turned her down over a missing foot and fingers." I couldn't believe it. I knew right then that she was going to be ours.
After that, we did the responsible thing. After all, this would be a decision that would affect our entire family in a major way. We sent her file to my mother-in-law Carol, a nurse practitioner so she could translate all the blood results. We sent pictures of her legs and hands to Elliot's orthotist (the guy who makes her braces and also happens to make prosthesis) to get his opinion on her candidacy for a prosthetic foot. We sent her file to an international pediatrician recommended by our social work to get her opinion on an possible underlying conditions based on her file and the location of her orphanage. After everyone gave his or her opinion, we decided to pursue adopting this little girl.
The next step was to write out a letter of intent to adopt. The agency gave notes on what the letter needed to include. After this was written by me, it was translated by the agency and sent to China. Qin's file was officially locked for us, meaning no one else could review her file during this time. Now, we waited, once again. We were told to expect it to take weeks, but, four days later, China sent our pre-approval to adopt her. She was ours, officially ours.
Now, I just had a ridiculous amount of paperwork to do.
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