Introductions First

My name is Angie Ashe. I am writing this blog in hopes of sharing my family's experience as we embark on the journey of adoption. Currently, my family looks like this: Angie (mom) works as a Children's Librarian at the Canyon Country Public Library, Rob (dad) works as an editor at a popular late night show starring a popular, tall, red-haired man, Elliot (daughter) works as a three-year-old who watches Yo Gabba Gabba, loves Kelly Clarkson, and bites, and, finally, Nessie, works as a dog, a dog who drives me crazy but is actually a good dog.

Both Rob and I grew up with siblings so we never imagined having a house with only one child. We thought, for a bit, that we might adopt all of our children, but we feared missing out on the experience of pregnancy and childbirth so along came Elliot. The day she came into this world was the most terrifying day of my life. What started out as a joyful day of pancakes at Jinky's, an apartment search, and a trip to Target turned into our child coming a day early, being whisked away to the intensive care, and hearing the word "malformed." Luckily, that horrible day was replaced by the most amazing day when she was finally set free from the NICU and put into our arms.

One traumatic birth experience was enough for both of us. Once we got into our groove with Elliot and started talking about a second child, Rob and I agreed that all future kids were going to be adopted. Thus began my quest to learn all that I could about the adoption world. We created the profile of the ideal child we were looking for (girl, younger than Elliot, some kind of special need, preferably orthopedic). Then, like the librarian that I am, I researched everything. Here are some interesting things I learned along the way (Note: These are just my observations based on what I read and what I was told. If you find any of these are way off, please share. I'd love to learn more. Take note, though, that we have already identified our child that we are adopting in China and will not change that fact.)

Here is what I learned about adopting locally:
1. There are no orphanages in the US. It's not like "The Cider House Rules," Folks. There are group homes for older kids, but you cannot just walk into an orphanage and pick out a kid.
2. Any kid you get in the US is considered a foster kid when they come into your home, even if you are seeking to adopt and not foster.
3. If that child still has visitation with her parents, you must take them to these visits, even if the parent is in jail. If you refuse, the child will be taken from you.
4. If any of that child's blood relatives step forward during this foster time, they can take custody of that child (assuming they follow protocol, of course).
5. There are no guarantees of when a birth parent will lose custody completely. I know of one family that waited five years to finally adopt their child that they'd had since her birth.
6. There is a waiting list 5 years long in LA County of parents seeking to adopt kids who are completely available. Meaning, the only way to get a child who is guaranteed to not have ties to her parents anymore is to wait years.
7. The only other option is to foster to adopt, which means you run the risk of losing that child to her own family, the same family that was previously deemed unfit to care for her. I was told, on average, people can expect to adopt the third child that is placed with them.
8. "The state does not want you to adopt these kids. The goal of the state is to get all these kids back with their parents," quote from the speaker at an adoption seminar we went to.
9. There is not an orphan problem in our country. There is a foster kid problem. There is a desperate need for foster parents, not adoptive parents.
10. I am still open to adopting from Los Angeles in the future, when our girls are older and can understand what's going on. For a baby or toddler, this just did not seem like the right plan for us. Rob and I did not want to deal with biological parents' issues and did not want to risk the heartbreak of having a kid leave to go back to mom or another family member.

Here is what I learned about adopting internationally:
1. China is no longer desperate to get rid of their girls. Did you know that our agency is just now placing healthy baby girls with parents who have been waiting since 2007? That's a five year wait!!! Some agencies won't even accept applications from parents wanting a healthy baby girl.
2. Foreign parents are more likely to adopt a girl so there are tons of boys in need of adoption.
3. You can find listings of kids for adoption all over the Internet. You can pick out your kid off the Internet if you want to. We found our little girl on the Internet, and I know many other families that have as well.
4. China only requires one trip to pick up the child. Many other countries require three, although you can get away with combining two of the trips.
5. Foreign adoption is expensive, but all the money is not going to one place. The orphanage gets some, the US agency gets some, the foreign government gets some, the US government gets some, the airline gets some, Kinko's gets some, USPS/FedEx get some. It all adds up, and, luckily, it's not all due at once.
6. While kids in US foster care get free medical care and equipment, orphans in other countries are not guaranteed medical care.
7. While kids in US foster care are guaranteed an education, orphans in other countries are not.
8. The one child policy in China is not as strict as I was led to believe. But, the policy has led to areas where boys far outnumber the girls, leading to cases of girls being abducted or sold to men who are desperate.
9. Many ages and birthdates of kids are just made up by the orphanage. I have heard stories of parents re-aging their children after they are adopted because US doctors believe the child's age is wrong.
10. Many agencies are associated with certain religions, and some of them require adoptive parents to meet certain religious standards. These standards are set by the US agency, not the country of the child's origin. So, if you find the perfect child online, you may not be able to adopt said perfect child, even if you meet all the qualifications set forth by the child's country. This doesn't seem right to me.

I wish it was a lot easier to adopt a child. It used to be. Of course, a lot of horrible things used to happen to children and families because of the way it used to be. Now, we have a bunch of regulations that must be followed in order to protect the children. I wish I could just pick up the next little kiddo at my library whose parent is nowhere to be seen because said parent thinks it's my job to babysit their two-year-old (Yes! Parents just leave two-year-old's alone in the kid section), but there are rules against that too. So, I must deal with all the craziness of the adoption world and help my family navigate it in the best way possible.